Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
how drunk are you?
Several
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
