So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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