Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
