Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
