I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Found the puke drawer
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
