She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
