I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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