matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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