look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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