I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
