this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
