can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
