i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My vagina just recognized that song.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
