wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
