I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
