I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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