I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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