He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
