At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
