Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
