The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
