Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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