Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
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