i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
