It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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