She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You've changed since you got that strap on
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
