Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
