I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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