I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
