i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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