dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
