I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
