i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
