I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i was born a porn star she said
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
