There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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