Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
