i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i need an iv and a liver transplant
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
