Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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