Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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