Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
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