I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
