Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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