He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
love makes seman taste better
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
