are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
cat food counts as protein by the way
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
