you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
