dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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