If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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