she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
