I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
