there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
