So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
