We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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