I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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